The Grinch Redux
Although I completely stand by my grade of Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, this was actually on the other night and I looked at it with more of a disparaging eye. Don't get me wrong, I still think this is a classic and I still think Dr. Seuss is a good children's book writer (even though "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" sounds more like a sleazy pick-up line than a kids' book). But I found a few things...10, in fact, that struck me about the Grinch, the story, and Dr. Seuss' rhyming tendencies that sort of ruffled my inner Grinch:
1. Maybe the Grinch was just a miserable little prick. I mean, if you are even hypothesizing that he not only hated Christmas, but the WHOLE Christmas season because, perhaps, his shoes were too tight, something tells me it has more to do with him being a miserable prick than him needing a trip to Payless. I've worn boots that gave me bunions the size of Short-Round from Indiana Jones and while it caused me to completely LOATHE Groundhog Day, it really didn't dampen my Christmas Spirit. No time for six more weeks of winter, Dr. Jones.
2. The Grinch doesn't wear any pants.
"And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."
Curiously, the Grinch decided not to cover the south pole. And it's certainly not because Seuss had problems trying to rhyme with "pants" (see #3). The good Doctor purposely left his Grinchhood swinging in the wind. Now, I am the last person to defend the tyranny of pants, but this is a children's program and unless you want to see those mall Santas with dropped trow outside the Crate and Barrel, I think the Grinch needs some Wranglers. Let's see...what rhymes with "pervert"...
3. The made-up words. Dr. Seuss is a fraud in a lot of respects, because a lot of poets out there have to painstakingly go though the alphabet to find a word that not only rhymes, but also fits in with the sure-to-be depressing theme of their poem. Not Seuss. And this permeates all of his work...not just the Grinch. Contained therein, are no less than the following faux-words that are toys and noisemakers that those crazy Who's apparently dig:
flu-flubas
tartinkas
who-hubas
gardinkas
The latter of which is something that is banged. I saw a movie that once that dealt with the banging of a gardinka, but it was some Cinemax After-Dark feature that took place in Hungary.
Anyway, I don't like the whole "making up words just to rhyme" bit. I mean, can you imagine Maya Angelou penning:
She ate the sweetest orange
Hey, look at that plorange!
4. Cindy Lou Who (who was no more than 2) - While all the other Who's in Whoville looked like a cross between Ron Perlman and Garfield, Cindy Lou Who (save for the confounding antennae sprouting from her head) looked like a regular old baby. What's up with that? Something tells me the mailman for the Who's might just be a human. Or an ant.
5. The term "Santy Claus" is heard multiple times. And each time I cringe like I just heard, "And now...a special two-hour 'One Tree Hill'...". The only one allowed to say "Santy Claus" is Buster Poindexter. Please tell me you remember that "Is That You, Santy Claus?" tune, which is horrible, but not nearly as horrible as the two worst Christmas-related songs in history: "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano. And before you give me grief about it, the dude is blind, not deaf. He should have written a better song. Stevie Wonder is blind too, but he wrote "Superstition". Granted, he also wrote, "I Just Called To Say I Love You", so I realize I'm not helping my cause any. Never mind. And the other putrid song is "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. The only Christmas song that makes me wish I was an Atheist. But I digress...
6. That Christmas Who song sucks. It doesn't have a good beat and I most certainly cannot dance to it.
7. The Grinch hates noise so much that he is willing to go to great lengths to give himself some peace and quiet, yet he and he alone is the one flapping his gums, to a dog, no less through the whole damn show (save for 4 words by Cindy Lou Who). You want peace and quiet, skinny Hulk? Shut your friggin' roast beast hole. Which brings me to the:
8. The strangely regenerative roast beast. Did this delicacy come from Re-Animator? I mean, it gets carved, yet the slice that is removed, reappears instantaneously on the carcass. That's downright creepy. A roast beast o'plenty that feeds all of Whoville. I'd need a hell of a lot of Who Hash to wash that down with, believe you me.
9. After all this effort, the Grinch gets the warm and fuzzies after realizing that a day, the actually calendar day, will arrive even though he stole a bunch of wreaths and tartookas. Wow, Einstein, you can't stop the sun from rising too? And because of that, you see what Christmas is all about?! I haven't seen a faster 180 since Revenge of the Sith:
Anakin (to the bad guy): "You're evil. I'll fight you forever."
Bad guy: "Want to join the Dark Side?"
Anakin: "OK."
10. The whole heart growing three sizes thing. They put that x-ray thing in front of the Grinch's chest and his heart grows so big, that it pulverizes the apparatus' border. First, I don't watch ER, but I'm pretty sure this exploding heart thing would kill him and two, if not, then at least his heart would be engorged so much that he could be featured on TLC's Medical Mysteries. I'm not looking for perfection. Just a little realism. A note on realism: Christine recently informed me that she steadfastly won't go see that new giant gorilla movie because it is so unrealistic that a giant gorilla (surprising, NOT played by Jack Black) can climb up a building and get Naomi Watts to have the hots-on for it. Yet, the #1 movie on her must-see list: The kid who walks through a closet and meets a talking lion that's really Jesus and a half-man, half-goat thing. Okey dokey.
Well, that does it. I still like the Grinch, but these things kinda ruined my buzz.
And if you agree with my post and my blog
Ring your blimtoast! And send a guffog!
Still not getting it,
- Dim.
1. Maybe the Grinch was just a miserable little prick. I mean, if you are even hypothesizing that he not only hated Christmas, but the WHOLE Christmas season because, perhaps, his shoes were too tight, something tells me it has more to do with him being a miserable prick than him needing a trip to Payless. I've worn boots that gave me bunions the size of Short-Round from Indiana Jones and while it caused me to completely LOATHE Groundhog Day, it really didn't dampen my Christmas Spirit. No time for six more weeks of winter, Dr. Jones.
2. The Grinch doesn't wear any pants.
"And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."
Curiously, the Grinch decided not to cover the south pole. And it's certainly not because Seuss had problems trying to rhyme with "pants" (see #3). The good Doctor purposely left his Grinchhood swinging in the wind. Now, I am the last person to defend the tyranny of pants, but this is a children's program and unless you want to see those mall Santas with dropped trow outside the Crate and Barrel, I think the Grinch needs some Wranglers. Let's see...what rhymes with "pervert"...
3. The made-up words. Dr. Seuss is a fraud in a lot of respects, because a lot of poets out there have to painstakingly go though the alphabet to find a word that not only rhymes, but also fits in with the sure-to-be depressing theme of their poem. Not Seuss. And this permeates all of his work...not just the Grinch. Contained therein, are no less than the following faux-words that are toys and noisemakers that those crazy Who's apparently dig:
flu-flubas
tartinkas
who-hubas
gardinkas
The latter of which is something that is banged. I saw a movie that once that dealt with the banging of a gardinka, but it was some Cinemax After-Dark feature that took place in Hungary.
Anyway, I don't like the whole "making up words just to rhyme" bit. I mean, can you imagine Maya Angelou penning:
She ate the sweetest orange
Hey, look at that plorange!
4. Cindy Lou Who (who was no more than 2) - While all the other Who's in Whoville looked like a cross between Ron Perlman and Garfield, Cindy Lou Who (save for the confounding antennae sprouting from her head) looked like a regular old baby. What's up with that? Something tells me the mailman for the Who's might just be a human. Or an ant.
5. The term "Santy Claus" is heard multiple times. And each time I cringe like I just heard, "And now...a special two-hour 'One Tree Hill'...". The only one allowed to say "Santy Claus" is Buster Poindexter. Please tell me you remember that "Is That You, Santy Claus?" tune, which is horrible, but not nearly as horrible as the two worst Christmas-related songs in history: "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano. And before you give me grief about it, the dude is blind, not deaf. He should have written a better song. Stevie Wonder is blind too, but he wrote "Superstition". Granted, he also wrote, "I Just Called To Say I Love You", so I realize I'm not helping my cause any. Never mind. And the other putrid song is "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. The only Christmas song that makes me wish I was an Atheist. But I digress...
6. That Christmas Who song sucks. It doesn't have a good beat and I most certainly cannot dance to it.
7. The Grinch hates noise so much that he is willing to go to great lengths to give himself some peace and quiet, yet he and he alone is the one flapping his gums, to a dog, no less through the whole damn show (save for 4 words by Cindy Lou Who). You want peace and quiet, skinny Hulk? Shut your friggin' roast beast hole. Which brings me to the:
8. The strangely regenerative roast beast. Did this delicacy come from Re-Animator? I mean, it gets carved, yet the slice that is removed, reappears instantaneously on the carcass. That's downright creepy. A roast beast o'plenty that feeds all of Whoville. I'd need a hell of a lot of Who Hash to wash that down with, believe you me.
9. After all this effort, the Grinch gets the warm and fuzzies after realizing that a day, the actually calendar day, will arrive even though he stole a bunch of wreaths and tartookas. Wow, Einstein, you can't stop the sun from rising too? And because of that, you see what Christmas is all about?! I haven't seen a faster 180 since Revenge of the Sith:
Anakin (to the bad guy): "You're evil. I'll fight you forever."
Bad guy: "Want to join the Dark Side?"
Anakin: "OK."
10. The whole heart growing three sizes thing. They put that x-ray thing in front of the Grinch's chest and his heart grows so big, that it pulverizes the apparatus' border. First, I don't watch ER, but I'm pretty sure this exploding heart thing would kill him and two, if not, then at least his heart would be engorged so much that he could be featured on TLC's Medical Mysteries. I'm not looking for perfection. Just a little realism. A note on realism: Christine recently informed me that she steadfastly won't go see that new giant gorilla movie because it is so unrealistic that a giant gorilla (surprising, NOT played by Jack Black) can climb up a building and get Naomi Watts to have the hots-on for it. Yet, the #1 movie on her must-see list: The kid who walks through a closet and meets a talking lion that's really Jesus and a half-man, half-goat thing. Okey dokey.
Well, that does it. I still like the Grinch, but these things kinda ruined my buzz.
And if you agree with my post and my blog
Ring your blimtoast! And send a guffog!
Still not getting it,
- Dim.
posted by Dim at 12/15/2005 10:04:00 PM
9 Comments:
You are one of the funniest writers I have ever read!
Stop it! OK, don't stop it! Keep going. HA!
Thanks very much for the nice words. You are Rust are really the main reason why I keep doing this! Not sure if there are others peeking in from time to time, but I can always count on your guys. That's pretty cool. Not sure I would have much incentive to keep it up if I always had 0 comments!
That said, this last piece was tough to write. It came together kind of quick, just as I was lamenting the fact that I was dry as a bone. That's been why I've really been nervous about trying to be a "writer". I go through long stretches and don't have anything decent to say.
Thanks again for reading and your encouragement. I visit your blog and Rusty's multiple times a day. Even if I don't leave a comment, know I am there!
- D.
Aw, Dim. You're so sweet. I hadn't even commented yet, and there were already kind words waiting for me, on your own blog, no less. How nice of you! :)
I would like to echo Jenny's sentiments exactly. Please don't be worried that you can't write, because I always know I'm going to be very, very entertained by your posts. That one in particular was hilarious, because I LOVE the Grinch. I love Dr. Seuss in general (hey, I'm a teacher!), and that's one of my favorite Christmas movies.
I do NOT agree, though, with the hating of the Who-song. I agree that you can't dance to it (although, you've never met me...you wouldn't know that I could find a way to dance pathetically to just about anything!), but "da-hoo dor-es" just seems to show that holiday sentiment, doesn't it? :)
Good Lord almighty, could I have made more typos in my post? I wasnt't even drunk!
In the second paragraph, the "are" should be "and" and the "your" should be "you".
I'm horrified.
- D.
It's not the size of your audience that counts, it's how amazingly awesome they are. I think you're wasting your talent if you don't pursue writing, and I'm not talking about writing about "robust reporting tools."
And don't worry about typos. It's a personal blog, not a novel.
I think Jenny was saying that your readership (she and I) is amazingly awesome.
I concur.
But I also agree with you that it would be nice if other people came, read, and commented. I'd like that myself, and I think perhaps the way to do it is to search for things (up in that top "search blogs" thing) that you have in common with people, then find a blog you like and comment on IT. Then, they'll be curious and come back to you.
It's like trolling for readers, but hey, it might work.
I doubt they're as amazingly awesome as we are, though. :)
Word verification: whumtecr
Sounds like a Dr. Seuss thing.
Well, you guys certainly are amazingly awesome and it really is cool that you take the time to leave feedback. It really does keep me motivated. Huge cyber-thanks to the two of you!
I was just looking through some of the links on JG's blog especially and she Laughing Gas is on so many people's "blogs to check out"...and rightfully so! I guess I am just curious if more people are stopping by. I'll keep on doing it, even if I only have an audience of 2, but it would be nice to know that people come by and check it out, as I'm sure you would agree. My posts actually take a long time to come up with and write, so to hear feedback on it is cool.
I think the problem (and you guys have probably found this too) is that we only allow registered members to leave comments. I wish this didn't have to be the case as I think we would all have more feedback...I'm just trying to avoid feedback from "jim" who writes "I love your blog. Check out my website to get erectile dysfunction cures cheap!"
Rust, I think you might be onto something for the whole "trolling for readers" thing. It's worth a shot.
And LOL on the word verification. Mine is "xhuxq". Doesn't sound like a Seuss word, but gives me another entry for "x" when playing the "A is for ___", "B is for ___" game besides "xylophone".
- D.
Actually, the "B." who I talk about and who comments on my blog is a non-registered user. Since I wanted her to be able to comment, I allowed it, and I haven't gotten any spamment so far.
Yes, I remember Sanity Claws. First heard it in Dr. dementia.
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