10 Words and/or Phrases I Hate To Hear

Vizzini: "Incontheivable!"
Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

- The Princess Bride

The following words and phrases put a terrifying shudder into me like when I hear the words, "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!" By no means is this list exhaustive. It's just what I could come up with after being up until 3:30 AM. Feel free to add your own.

1. Supposably. Cue Inigo Montoya. This is an oft-misused version of "supposedly", which makes the speaker of said word sound either like an idiot or Mushmouth from Fat Albert.

2. No brainer. Although not grammatically incorrect to the best of my knowledge, this is a phrase that just bugs the hell out of me. People use this to signify something that is "obvious" or that the answer is "so clear, one nary has to think to get it right." I tend to use the word to describe someone who had a fateful run-in with a brain-eating zombie. Which is probably why they use a phrase like "no brainer"...they no longer have any brains.

3. Irregardless. Let's break this one down. You have the prefix "ir-", which basically means "not". Then you have "regardless", which I'm pretty sure means "without regard". So, you put those together and you have "not without regard", or simpler, "with regard". So, instead of using the correct word, you use an incorrect version of the word which gives you the opposite meaning. OUCH! Slushy headache. Just knock this shit off.

4. For all intensive purposes. This one is completely fantabulous, because not only do people actually say this phrase in this manner, but they also write it like this. It's like they took their moron status and super-sized it. Anyway, "intensive" is an adjective which deals with intensity. So, when you look at it like that, it is confoundingly nonsensical. And if you happen to use this phrase and wonder what the real one is supposed to be...I'm not going to tell you.

5. It goes without saying that... Again, not grammatically incorrect, but terribly misused. How come this phrase always seems to precede a long-winded diatribe? If it goes without saying, guess what? Don't say it.

6. Worse comes to worse. OK, this one makes sense. You are trying to say if something bad gets even badder, then...you will do something. But, instead, what you are saying is, "if something bad remains the same exact level of bad", then...you will do something. Perhaps what you should be doing is taking a few night courses. It's a no brainer!

7. Not trying to reinvent the wheel. I work with a bunch of salespeople and I hear this one ALL THE TIME and drives me up a friggin wall. Again, nothing wrong with it on the surface. But they use it to illustrate to me that they don't want to do something that has already been done. "Look, I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here..." Isn't there a better metaphor you can use, because I am reasonable sure there's a patent on the wheel. How about trying to fly a kite with a key attached to the string during a thunderstorm? Or are you not trying to rediscover electricity either?

8. Vice-a versa. Good job, Jar Jar Binks. Meesa gots a bad feeling abouts this too.

9. Fustrated. This is one that is often said, but I rarely see people actually write it out like this, so they have a modicum of brain activity going on upstairs, but the mouth fumbles the handoff from the noggin and the "r" gets kidnapped somewhere along the way. The only people allowed to say "fustrated" are ones that really hate soggy fench fies.

10. I could care less... This is a classic. Usually said contemptuously to REALLY emphasize the fact that the speaker has such little regard for what is about to follow. A very powerful and empowering phrase usually uttered by someone who is being really pissy about something, usually what another person thinks about them. But in actuality, what they are saying is that, in fact, they do have the ability to care less about what they are about to say. So, they care more about what they are going to say than they really want to care about it. Which is the exact opposite of the point they are trying to make. Kick-ass way to not only sound like a doofus, but also to completely chop the balls off of the spiteful point you were trying to make.

Feel free to add your own!

Couldn't possibly care less,

Dim.