Weird Cafeteria Stuff, Volume 3

Those of you unfamiliar with some of the, uh, unique culinary concoctions cooked up by my work cafeteria might want to check out here and here first. Top Chef, these guys ain't.

So, I go downstairs and I notice, on the menu, is this:

Three cheese Manicotti with garlic bread

Sounds good. I'm Italian. I bleed tomato sauce, breathe garlic, and have ricotta cheese in my heart. Which probably explains why I have constant agita, arrhythmias, and vampires won't come near me.

Anyway, I go downstairs to get my semi-Italian food fix and come back to my desk and open up the environmentally-hostile styrofoam container and lo, what do I see?

• A single, though generously stuffed, manicotti
• A hefty wedge of garlic bread
• A side dish

Now, your inquisitive mind might be wondering, "What side dish could they serve with manicotti?" Hey, I still watch Rachael Ray from time to time, so I have a pretty good handle on these sorts of things.

A couple of things that would go pretty well with manicotti would be:

• a meatball
• Italian sausages
• eggplant parmagiana

But no.

That's not what I got.

What I got even transcends my previously vilified vegetable medley. This was a vegetable medley with redundancy! Nestled in the bosom of the top right compartment of non-biodegradable rain forest decimating synthetic material were the following (gently awash is a vague, light cheddar cheese sauce):

• corn
• peas
• lima beans
• string beans
• asparagus (?!)
• diced carrots
• elbow macaroni

That's right. I must have missed the episode of 30 Minute Meals where Ray squeaks that the perfect complement to a hearty manicotti marinara is some Kraft mac and cheese with a can or two of Veg-All thrown in for good measure.

I swear Cheech and Chong are working down there.

Wishing I brought Beefaroni from home instead,

- Dim.