Another Work Cafeteria First!
Today is Cinco de Mayo, as everyone who drinks Corona knows means "fifth of mayonnaise". So, my cafeteria has this whole Mexican theme to it: Decorations, ethnic food, Carlos Santana playing on the radio. You know the drill.
Anyway, I skipped breakfast in the caf because the special was called something like "Paco Gutierrez's favorite omelet". That's as descriptive as it got. As far as I know, Paco Gutierrez could have been a mentally ravaged lunatic who loved his omelets stuffed with dung beetle larvae, mole sauce, and arugula. I'm staying away from the most important meal of the day, thanks very much.
And because I knew they were going to have all of these horrible Mexican dishes, I decided to Target bag it and bring a salad from home with Xteen's awesome honey mustard vinaigrette dressing on the side.
But I felt the need for something more substantive, so I went down and got a soup in the caf...the traditional Mexican "split pea and ham" soup, to be exact. Or, as I like to call it on Cinco de Mayo: "el splitto pea-o y ham-o". Es verdad!
Anywho, I'm digging the soup, because as truly vomitous as it looks (the nature of all split pea soups, not just the Mexican version), it tastes pretty good. I'm tasting the ingredients:
- Split peas
- Ham
We're off to a pretty good start. I would hope those two things would be in it, or else I got the gaspacho by mistake.
Then,
- the most minute sliver of carrot peel I have ever seen
Carrots are perfectly acceptable in split pea and ham soup (as are potatoes, which were lacking...apparently, there are no such things as potatoes in Mexico). But what I got to at the bottom of the container was a tad troubling:
- A leaf of some sort. Not oak, maple, or larch, from what I could tell. Certainly not bay leaf. Almost looked like it came from a celery stalk, but that would be impossible, since one shouldn't put celery in split pea and ham soup. I thought I was hallucinating, until I came to:
- lima beans. What the fuck?! And...
- CORN!
Corn?! In split pea and ham soup?! I half expected to get to the bottom and find a nice mushy paste of zucchini and summer squash, just for me.
You might ask yourself, what moron puts lima beans, corn, and flora of undetermined genus in split pea soup? I think I know the answer:
Paco Gutierrez, that's who. Or as I like to call him:
El diablo de la sopa de guisantes.
Feliz navidad,
Tenue
posted by Dim at 5/05/2006 11:36:00 AM
19 Comments:
Damn you, Paco Gutierrez! Vete al infierno!
I must be the only person who doesn't know Spanish, I mean espanol. Um, could you subtitle your writing with englais? Or maybe Pig Latin, I do know that.
anktha ouya,
B.
It means go to hell.
Ahhh...inferno.
Yes, B. - "hell" is "infierno".
Why did no one else comment on how freakin' funny this post was?! Dim, your humor amazes me. Thanks for the great laugh this morning. I hope your Fifth of Mayonnaise got better. If I had any Corona (mmmmm....Corona) on hand, I would have had a drink for the occasion. I forgot, and I don't have any right now because it was expensive as all hell at the beer distributor. Oh, well.
Thanks Rust! I fear that the occasional uproarious posting has raised the bar too high for middling ones such as this. HA!
- D.
No way, Dim. I even chuckled at your signature. I wouldn't have thought of doing that! Keep up the great work.z
Dim- As I was posting a comment on someone else's blog, I had to type dziim as my word verification. It looked like your name in ghetto speak.
Fo shizzle Duh-zim.
For the record, your posts always make me laugh out loud, usually at work.
B. - that's absolutely hysterical!! I had a pretty funny word verfication the other day and I mentioned it in a comment on Rusty's blog.
JG - I know...I was just teasing. You guys all make me blush with your praise. It's really the main reason why I still post to this thing!
- D.
Dude, you need to order out more!
lol
Have you ever seen "Better off Dead?"
It sounds like Cusack's family dinner in that cafeteria!
Are you all doing ok? I saw on the Today Show that it's raining "wicked hahd" up there and that there's a state of emergency in Mass.
Haven't seen the sun in a week and it's been a deluge of rain for about 4 days straight. I'm on the second floor, so I am cool, but yesterday my uncle and I had to leave Mother's Day dinner to go bail out the basement of his store. Fun times!
We're good though...thanks for asking!
- D.
God, I'm such an ass. Happy birthday!
Why?
Thanks!!
Should I have known it was your birthday, Dim? I don't think you ever said when it was, but I see you're a Taurus. I apologize for not knowing and saying something!
Happy Birthday! We miss you...gotta blog more. :) Hope you're doing okay!
I think my birthday ended up in some comment box somewhere. No worries though...thanks for the happy birthday wishes!
Things are fine. Very busy at work make Dim a dull blogger. As wet as it is outside, it is dry in my dome. Grrr.
- D.
Happy Birthday man!
Hope the work cafeteria made you a nice cake!
Because I totally forgot when I first commented yesterday morning, like I knew I would. I'm sure if the cafeteria made you a cake it would have zucchini and summer squash in it somewhere.
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