This Literally Felt Like Me Typing a Blog Entry
This story cracked me up, pretty much because of the quote:
"It literally sounded like a ton of bricks hitting," said witness (name withheld to protect the unimaginative, but mostly to protect me, in case the guy googles his name and finds this blog entry making fun of him and comes after me), who works across the street.
Whoa, whoa, hold on cowboy. You mean to tell me that a ton of bricks falling off a building into the street literally sounded like A TON OF BRICKS? Dude, half a building fell off. If there was ever a time to be quoted spouting the most absurd hyperbole ever recorded, it is this moment and the best you can come up with is that this event sounded exactly like what actually happened? How inventive. What imagination. Here's what you should have done.
Hot news chick: So, Dim, you were in the vacinity when the building collapsed. What did it sound like?
Dim: I'll tell you, Ashley. It sounded like God Himself belched a giant cucumber burp at the same time he got pissed off at the planet Jupiter because of that "taunting red eye thing" and hurtled it from its orbit directly into the street, narrowly missing that Chrysler LeBaron over there. And it wasn't one microdecibal softer. I've never heard anything louder and I've actually seen Ministry in concert."
Jeesum Crow, what a complete letdown reading that quote. "Hey, you were sitting right next to that kid when he lit off that cherry bomb. What was it like?"
"You're never gonna believe this and I never over-exaggerate like this, but it literally sounded like someone set off a cherry bomb right next to me. I wouldn't shit you about something like this."
Another thing. I've been really avoiding commenting on the whole immigration issue thing, primarily because I don't want to turn my blog into a political commentary and secondarily because I don't want to read people's political ramblings in the comments on my blog, and tertiarily, I don't know enough about this crap to speak intelligently on it and, personally, I just find that it makes more people pissed off at you when you do talk politics. BUT...I could not sit back in this Land of Opportunity and let this travesty go unnoticed.
I'm not sure where our Founding Fathers would stand on illegals stealing into the country in covert tunnels or under fences or in ridiculously overpacked and overheated Caravan deathtraps. But I am reasonably certain that Tom Jefferson is rolling over in his grave as we speak because we shut out a hot European swimsuit model.
The Statue of Liberty. Today, she weeps. Just like me.
Free May Andersen! And in solidarity with my plea, I ask you, residents of Dim City, to show your allegiance to my cause by doing the following: Beginning six days from now, whenever you write down the numeric date, PLEASE preface it with Ms. Andersen's first name. If you are from outside of this country and do things a little differently, feel free to put her first name after the date. If you can do this for the subsequent 31 days, I'll know that you are all with me in my belief that May Andersen should be allowed in this great country of ours. And specifically, given a unit in my apartment building.
Heheh...I said "unit".
- Dim.
"It literally sounded like a ton of bricks hitting," said witness (name withheld to protect the unimaginative, but mostly to protect me, in case the guy googles his name and finds this blog entry making fun of him and comes after me), who works across the street.
Whoa, whoa, hold on cowboy. You mean to tell me that a ton of bricks falling off a building into the street literally sounded like A TON OF BRICKS? Dude, half a building fell off. If there was ever a time to be quoted spouting the most absurd hyperbole ever recorded, it is this moment and the best you can come up with is that this event sounded exactly like what actually happened? How inventive. What imagination. Here's what you should have done.
Hot news chick: So, Dim, you were in the vacinity when the building collapsed. What did it sound like?
Dim: I'll tell you, Ashley. It sounded like God Himself belched a giant cucumber burp at the same time he got pissed off at the planet Jupiter because of that "taunting red eye thing" and hurtled it from its orbit directly into the street, narrowly missing that Chrysler LeBaron over there. And it wasn't one microdecibal softer. I've never heard anything louder and I've actually seen Ministry in concert."
Jeesum Crow, what a complete letdown reading that quote. "Hey, you were sitting right next to that kid when he lit off that cherry bomb. What was it like?"
"You're never gonna believe this and I never over-exaggerate like this, but it literally sounded like someone set off a cherry bomb right next to me. I wouldn't shit you about something like this."
Another thing. I've been really avoiding commenting on the whole immigration issue thing, primarily because I don't want to turn my blog into a political commentary and secondarily because I don't want to read people's political ramblings in the comments on my blog, and tertiarily, I don't know enough about this crap to speak intelligently on it and, personally, I just find that it makes more people pissed off at you when you do talk politics. BUT...I could not sit back in this Land of Opportunity and let this travesty go unnoticed.
I'm not sure where our Founding Fathers would stand on illegals stealing into the country in covert tunnels or under fences or in ridiculously overpacked and overheated Caravan deathtraps. But I am reasonably certain that Tom Jefferson is rolling over in his grave as we speak because we shut out a hot European swimsuit model.
The Statue of Liberty. Today, she weeps. Just like me.
Free May Andersen! And in solidarity with my plea, I ask you, residents of Dim City, to show your allegiance to my cause by doing the following: Beginning six days from now, whenever you write down the numeric date, PLEASE preface it with Ms. Andersen's first name. If you are from outside of this country and do things a little differently, feel free to put her first name after the date. If you can do this for the subsequent 31 days, I'll know that you are all with me in my belief that May Andersen should be allowed in this great country of ours. And specifically, given a unit in my apartment building.
Heheh...I said "unit".
- Dim.
posted by Dim at 4/25/2006 11:30:00 AM
6 Comments:
Yes, you did say unit. And it was funny. But I'm sorry, Dim, I think she's not just not pretty, I think she's fug. Jen and I had this discussion the other evening while watching America's Next Top Model, and we decided that not all models are actually attractive. May Andersen must fall into that category. Just ew.
That ton of bricks thing was hilarious, and even more hilarious was your continuation of the idea, and God's wrath on Jupiter. Ha!
I am truly glad you've returned to blog again at Dim City!
Wow! Reading your blog entry was just like reading a blog entry. Amazing. Am I the only one who does not get smurf's comment?
Also, if that ugly girl is in SI and modeled for V.S., then I should definitely be in their mags too! Rusty, you are right. She is fug.
B., you should totally be in SI. You're hot. I don't get that comment, either. Can you explain it, Dim? Maybe you don't get it, either, and that makes three of us.
I agree with everyone else. She looks like she was hit in the face with a brick.
OK, OK. I agree with all y'all. She looks like her face was on fire and they tried to put it out using a pick axe. I get it.
- D.
HA! Thanks a lot for making me laugh out loud at work.
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