Not Quite the Best of 2006

Every year, March and I do our top whatever discs of whatever year it is. Some of you read it. Some of you don't. Whatever.

This is this year's installment. But with a little twist. Unlike previous years, this year I decided to listen to ALL of the discs I got in 2006 in preparation for my list. In doing so, I really had no idea what discs would make the final cut and which ones wouldn't. Only after I wrote up their little blurb (after listening) and ranked it against the ones that I already did, did I have my list.

So, what you are about to read is the list of those not quite the best of 2006. These didn't make the grade. Hey, if I had to listen to them and write about them, then you have to read about them. Or don't. Just click on that little "x" on the top right of the screen and go back to surfing porn and watching the "My Dick in a Box" video for the thousanth time.

This isn't to say that these discs suck. Please. This is me we are talking about. Everything I buy and listen to is awesome. These are just the discs that don't spew awesomeness out of every orifice. Just an orifice here and there. That's why they are sitting at the kids' table.

And please save your breath from uttering, "B-b-b-but Dim! What about Gnarls Barkley?!?"

Look.

The Round Mound of Rebound was a pain in the ass to my Celtics back his days with the Sixers and I have no desire to hear how good, or bad, a singer he is.

And save your breath from uttering, "B-b-b-but Dim! What about the latest from Spanky McNumbnuts and the Spastic Colons?! Pitchfork gave it an 8.4!!"

Listen.

No one sends me free discs by these dumb-ass bands. I have to spend my hard-earned inheritance on my music. So, I can't buy every CD in the world, just because a fascist Website like Pitchfork says it's an OK disc, but still not nearly as good as Thom Yorke's EP of him ripping off Taco Bell farts behind a Moog synthesizer for 34 minutes.

So, without further ado. Here are the discs that didn't quite pump my nads in 2006. In no particular order of nad pumplessness:

NINETEENEIGHTIES-Grant Lee Phillips (Zoe)
Grant-Lee is a passionate musician and impassioned performer, but on this disc of all 80s cover tunes, he holds back a little and the tunes have a casualness that feels like he is just sitting around a campfire with a guitar. His musicianship and arrangement are top-notch, as is his always silky smooth voice. The music lulls you as Phillips never really picks up the pace much (even on the Pixies' "Wave of Mutilation"). But the strong tracks here: Robyn Hitchcock's "I Often Dream Of Trains", Joy Division's "The Eternal", and R.E.M.'s "So. Central Rain" make you forgive the down tempo of the disc. You might not want to operate heavy machinery while listening to this, but that may be due more to Phillips' ability to soothe the listener than anything else.

Previous list appearances: MOBILIZE (#6 in 2001)

AVAILABLE LIGHT-Willy Porter (Weasel)

Willy Porter is truly one of the most captivating live performers I have ever seen; a true dervish on the acoustic guitar, a rich, soulful voice, and excellent songwriting. All of them, tragically, are muted somewhat on Available Light because the recording is done with a full band. Porter's guitar along is like a gaggle of musicians, and the ones on the disc, though very able, tend to drown him out. The title track is one of Porter's best and the instrumentals are good, but not among the jaw-dropping ones I am used to hearing. The emotional ballads, "My Old Man", "One More September", are also good but not stellar. Porter remains an amazing live act, but I think a lot of his fans are waiting for that one studio record where it is just him and his guitar.

Previous list appearances: WILLY PORTER (#18 in 2002)

MR. LEMONS-Glen Phillips (Umami/bigHelium)

Ex-Toad the Wet Sprocket vocalist is much more of a storyteller now and this continues with his latest release. Mr. Lemons is a stripped-down, bareboned acoustic effort, drawing on shuffling beats, downtempo tunes, and classy background vocals. In a full session, Mr. Lemons is a bit tough to get through from start to finish; cautiously optimistic tunes ("The Next Day") are occasionally overshadowed by a somber feel to the whole disc. But tunes like "Waiting", the gorgeous "Didn't Think You Cared", and the head-scratching bluesy cover of Huey Lewis and the News' "I Want A New Drug" shine through.

SEPARATE WAYS-Teddy Thompson (Verve Forecast)

Teddy Thompson's voice is perfect. And sometimes, a little TOO perfect. His long-awaited sophomore album is a nice, safe disc; filled with excellent musicians (including guitar legend dad Richard on a few tracks) and Teddy's smooth as silk voice. It never wavers. It never warbles. It is always on. Which might be part of the problem. The songs are fine. They are executed well. But there isn't much edge here. It might not be Thompson's style, but it would be good to hear him go out on a limb and do something a little daring and out of his comfort zone. This isn't a bad disc, or even a disappointing one. It's just not one of the best of the year.

ROCK GARDEN-Ty Tabor (Inside Out)

King's X guitarslinger Ty Tabor's latest solo album follows a fairly formulaic pattern heard in his other offerings: Quieter verses, crunching choruses, tasteful guitar solos, and sappy and/or lame-o lyrics. That's not to take away from the songs here, honestly. Tabor is a master of melody and harmony and his guitar leads are still some of the cleanest, and powerful in rock music. But Rock Garden sounds so much like other Tabor offerings, it is hard to judge it on its own. Not that there aren't some pretty good songs here: "Pretty Good", for instance, is a fun romp and both "Ride" and "Take It Back" are serviceable rockers. But the ballads fall flat, as ballads usually do, as the disc makes me wish more for one more kick-ass King's X record than it does more solo Ty.

Previous list appearances: MOONFLOWER LANE (#15 in 1998)

SONGBIRD-Willie Nelson (Lost Highway)

On paper, this sounds like a match made in heaven. Country legend Willie Nelson teaming up with alt-country legend-in-the-making Ryan Adams and his amazing backing band, the Cardinals, for a disc of covers and originals. On reality, the result is wildly uneven and ultimately had me wishing that either Nelson did these songs with his band, or Ryan and the Cardinals did them by themselves. When it works, it is usually the quieter tunes in which Adams' arrangement complements Nelson's nasal and frail-sounding twang (like "Rainy Day Blues", "Back to Earth", and Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"). But when the Cardinals kick it in, it seems so out of place with Nelson's vocals. Gram Parsons' "1000 Dollar Wedding" starts off OK, but when the loudness comes in, Nelson is drowned out. And while the marriage of "House of the Rising Sun" and "Amazing Grace" is a cool idea, it has already been done better by the Blind Boys of Alabama years ago.

DEATH BY SEXY-Eagles of Death Metal (Downtown)

Tongue planted firmly in-cheek, Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme (along with some of Homme's Queens of the Stone Age cronies) deliver another set of 70s raw, raunchy boogie rock. While both the band's name and the album title are instantly classic, the jokes contained in the songs aren't quite as fresh as their 2004 debut Peace Love Death Metal. But there are some catchy toe-tappers ("Shasta Beast") and Hughes' vocals are so over-the-top absurd, that you can't help but smirk.

Previous list appearances: PEACE LOVE DEATH METAL (#8 in 2004)

BAR 17-Trey Anastasio (Rubber Jungle)

Man, I don't know. I'm a huge Trey fan in Phish and actually really dug his last two solo discs, but I'm having a tough time with this one. The music is great, as usual. Anastasio is a tremendous guitar player and an excellent arranger, but none of the songs here are particularly catchy. Some are very good: "What's Done", "Dragonfly", but some are just "eh" with sketchy vocals and lyrics like "Let Me Lie", "Goodbye Head" (despite a nice string part), and "A Case of Ice and Snow". Anastasio still busts out and rips some nice guitar parts ("Empty House") and also throws in a few good tunes, but Bar 17 is way too uneven to be a top release of '06.

Previous list appearances: TREY ANASTASIO (#13 in 2002), SHINE (#12 in 2006)

THE PICK OF DESTINY-Tenacious D (Sony)

Admittedly, I knew that this was being billed as a soundtrack right out of the gate, but I guess I expected a little more than a half hour of stuff that really can't hold a candle to their eponymous debut (save for maybe "Kickapoo", which employees both Meatloaf and Ronnie James Dio for a great opening track). The jokes are even more absurd and crude, but not nearly as funny. As usual, the music is oddly more impressive than you would think. Content aside, Jack Black and Kyle Gass' melodies and harmonies are really great and there are some entertaining tunes among the misfires.

Previous list appearances: TENACIOUS D (#9 in 2001)

BALLADS FOR LITTLE HYENAS-Afterhours (One Little Indian)

A solid, if unspectacular record from these Italian rockers. While the music is good and steady, the record suffers from some less-than-stellar lyrics and from the fact that the band is infinitely better in the live environment than they are in the studio.

LONG ISLAND SHORES-Mindy Smith (Vanguard)

OK, I listened to this disc and it made me sleepy. Mindy has truly beautiful voice: clean and safe. The disc meanders a little too much in low-tempo and while the music is very nice (particularly the fingerpicked guitar of the disc's closer "Peace of Mind"), the songs are just *OK*. Ironically, the most memorable song on the disc, "I'm Not The Only One Asking", sounds suspiciously like the hit from her debut CD "Come to Jesus". And it's a song like that, with a little bit of attitude, that stands out and shows you what Smith is capable of. Let's hope the next disc is a nice mixture of the slower, contemplative tunes and the ones that show her with a little bit of a snarl.

Next up...some superlatives and #s 25-15. Stay tuned, fruitcakes.

- Dim.