Skool Daze

Nah, the title isn't some hip way of spelling "School Days". Nor is it a rap song title by Crayzee Eyez Killah.

It's how I would still be spelling words if I went to Needham High School. Check out this story.

For those of you who don't know, Needham is an affluent town outside of Boston. ONE parent complained about the high school publishing the honor roll in the local newspaper (as if anyone actually reads newspapers anymore), so now, they are suspending the practice of putting it in the paper.

That's real nice.

The parent's complaint? Well, they have three kids. One is smart. The other two are dumb. And, get this, the actually publication of the honor roll causes stress in the household, because it calls positive attention to the kid working his/her ass off in school (the horror!!!) and mildly shames the dumb kids (apparently not enough for them to do better in school, however).

The brilliant principal of this questionable educational establishment, Paul Richards, had the audacity to acquiesce to the request of the parent, to the point of AGREEING with them, saying, publication of the honor roll projected "an unhealthy focus on grades."

Pardon my Intro to French, but what the fuck are you talking about?!

It's fucking SCHOOL! "An unhealthy focus on grades??" That's what school IS!

By the way, better hope your kid doesn't go to a high school like Needham High or they will never know the meaning of words like "audacity" and "acquiesce".

This friggin guy goes on to say:

"There are lots of other ways that students achieve, such as in clubs, musicals, concerts, athletics and community service."

Right.

Which is why local papers usually cover things that students do, like clubs, musicals, concerts, athletics, and community service.

But maybe they shouldn't anymore.

My kid doesn't know how to play the bassoon, so when the paper does a story on a concert at the school, he feels ineffectual. Oh, sorry, big word. He feels "bad".

My kid isn't good at football, so when they cover the homecoming game, it causes him stress.

By the way, I think that high school athletics places an unhealthy focus on scores. Perhaps they should just play and not keep track of who gets a goal, scores a run, gets a touchtown, or nails a three pointer at the buzzer. That would make the kids who didn't play well in that particular game upset. We wouldn't want to do that and, we all know, that if they went to college to play a particular sport, they place no emphasis on results, so this would be a great primer.

This principal goes on to say that the ranking of students solely based on grades goes against the school's actual mission, which is to "promote learning".

That's nice.

Kinda sounds like the career goal of a Miss America contestant. "I'd like to save the rain forest, eliminate hunger everywhere, champion world peace, learn what the word 'acquiesce' means, and promote learning. But not so much that you can actually quantify and qualify how much someone learns."

First of all, numbnuts, you aren't ranking the students. You are acknowledging kids who are doing well academically. There's a fucking difference.

Second of all, I'm sure your teachers are doing the Happy Happy Joy Joy dance that basically castrate their responsibilities in the press. Or perhaps I should assume that, from this point on, you won't be giving tests or quizzes or finals. Let's just have a healthy dialogue for the entire school day and assume that kids leave there having "learned something". Isn't that nice? Pass the healing crystals and call me when the shuttle lands.

By the way, this is a really great message to send to the entire student body. Hey, suck at English and Math, but throw a mean curveball and it's OK. Maybe you're LEARNING, and that's the most important thing here.

Hey, brainiac nerd over there...put the fucking books down, cut your balls off, and go for soprano in the chorus. It's your only chance of getting any recognition.

And this prepares kids for the real world how? No wonder so many of them suck in the workplace when they finally get there. They've been coddled and have had their own parents defend their poor study habits. Sure, that probably sounds good when you're fifteen years-old, but as an adult, you see how terrible that approach actually would be. (OK, I'm jealous).

I promise when I am a parent, I will not settle for a dumb kid. Sure, I want him/her to be well-rounded, but academics are the primary focus. Everything else comes after. And while I am on it, I won't be the one complaing about any school or town celebrations for Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, Halloween, Flag Day, Arbor Day, etc. And if my kid wants to pray or say the Pledge of Allegiance in school, I'll stand by him. I just don't understand how a minority of the parent population can get their way (like the cancellation of a Halloween party, which happened in another very affluent Boston suburb this year). Are these people that selfish and self-important? I guess they are.

Just for fun, I visited the high school's website. It appears their school motto (for any future Needham High students reading the blog, a "motto" is a couple of words put together that tells you what something believes in. So, for you, a good motto would be: "The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, The Boogie Man") is "To Think, To Respect, To Communicate (But Not To Do Any Of Those Well Enough To Be Recognized For It, Lest You Make Those Who Do Not Think, Respect, And Communicate As Much Feel Shame)".

OK, well, the stuff in the parentheses isn't on the website, but it's inferred.

So, to all those parents out there...if something like this happens in your town, fight it with all your might. Grades do matter. My mother's wooden spoon and my Sallie Mae loans say so.

Graduated from college cum laude, bitches! (and proud of it),

- Dim.