Shall We Play A Game?
OK, thanks to March, I too hopped on the "cluster maps" bandwagon. This thing is skyrocketing in popularity and is now nestled in hits somewhere between Chuck Norris Facts and the much ballyhooed Kevin Federline musical effort. And while, at first, I thought this thing was cooler than the other side of the pillow, I'm starting to have second thoughts.
First of all, my map is looking a little feeble. It looks more like a representation of who voted for Andre Marrou in the 1992 election, which isn't exactly stroking my creative ego. So far, I haven't gone out of my hemisphere (unlike Rusty...bet your ass, I'm jealous) or even international. I have giant blobs pretty much right where I live, another big blob in the middle (I'm big in the Nebraska area! Thanks all you Huskers!) and some smaller blobs in the vicinity of my Pennsylvania pals and the Pacific Northwest. Can't help but think that some people got to my blog through the "blogs that mention Bo Bice" link and that depresses me greatly. Especially considering they took me off the main page. If I was a believer in emoticons, I'd be inserting a big-time frowny face right here.
Second, uh, can we make the dots larger and more vague in terms of location? I really can't tell if that reader in America's heartland is logging on from Oklahoma City or Pierre, South Dakota. Far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth, but when the damn thing's been attacked by the Cavity Creeps, I'm gonna complain.
Finally, not sure why, but I have orated this entire post the whole time I have typed it and started referring to my laptop as "Joshua". Barry Corbin just appeared in my living room and said "I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it would do any good" and Dabney Coleman just called me on the phone telling me to go to Def-Con 5. Unfortunately, no 1983-era Ally Sheedy for Dim, though I'm not giving up hope. Dunno, man, I get the creeps from this Cluster Map thingy because it looks a little like the displays on this:
I just want to find out if anyone is reading my blog. I really don't want to irradiate Delaware.
How about a nice game of chess?
- Dim.
posted by Dim at 1/16/2006 11:22:00 AM
3 Comments:
You are the master of humor! I bow down to you. First I started chuckling, then guffawed out loud as I read the rest. I can't believe you orated the entire thing...what, were you dictating to yourself? So funny.
PLEASE irradiate Delaware. That state is the armpit of the US. It's flat, ugly, and smells funny. I'm not saying anything about Delawarians, just Delaware itself.
Your map probably didn't pick up all the people who came yet! I just had a message from a reader in Scotland who said hers didn't show up yet. And don't feel bad! I'm getting Luke fans, people coming from Jenny's site (I owe it all to her, I guess) and people pressing the "next blog" button. Mine just happen to not be in Nebraska. Although I did get a guy that StatCounter told me came through a blog search of "hot teenage sex". That's just gross, and you don't want that kind of readership.
Your map makes it look like you have readers from all of the US except for California. Maybe Arnold has told people to boycott you. My cluster map hasn't even taken effect yet, so it looks like I have no readers.
Ok, totally off topic, but I was sitting in my office and "You Give Love a Bad Name" came on the radio, and I found myself bobbing my head and lip syncing. I didn't do a fist pump, but I was typing at the time, so who knows what would have happened if my hands were free?
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