My New Favorite Food and My New Favorite One-Hit Wonder

I have a new favorite food. It's called:

Light syrup.

Have you tried this yet?!? It's like crystal meth without the arrythmias and the cops chasing you down when you have no shirt on trying to arrest you like that TV show...what's it called?...oh, yeah. "Cops."

I can't stop eating these things.

"Fruit in a plastic jar" sounds so uninspiring. But "Mandarin oranges in LIGHT SYRUP." Sorry, but with apologies to Emeril, that just screams "BAM!" to me! BAM BAM!

Everything should be served in this nectar of the gods...light syrup. I might actually consider chowing down on some calves' brains if they were in light syrup (hint, hint, Calves' Brains Association of America....")

You ever see the video for Men At Work's "Down Under"? The part where the guy, the singer with the fucked up eyeball, stuffs his face with some wacked out cereal during the whole, "She took me in and gave me breakfast" line? That's me with my light syrup.

Thank you SO much, Dole food company. Thank you for taking something completely pure, natural, and healthy and turning it into something that is about as good for me to consume as carburator fluid. But, man, it is quite the delectable treat.

Switching gears, tonight, I heard yet another song that I really, really wish I wrote. Here it is:

Devil's Diary by the Caulfields

Here in hell's hammock just thinking up deviltry
Planet-wide panic's a hat that's so old
I'd rather write about her in my diary
Could she be mine without selling her soul
Dirty deeds from a demon seed
Don't excite me anymore
Is there one girl
Just one girl who says

I'm bigger than Jesus now
And I love her
I'm bigger than Jesus now
Up above her
I'm stage diving off the church of the holier than thou
And I'm bigger than Jesus now

He's got his uptight white virginal followers
I've got these metal chicks dumber than rocks
Dated one once but I hated the music
And all her ex-boyfriends were there on the bus
It's never good to be "understood"
By a girl in acid wash
And God only knows what it is that I really want
Guess I could ask but he's not the best confidant
Puts me down in the Biblical sense
In this basement apartment with hell-to-pay rent
There's one girl
Just one girl who says

I'm bigger than Jesus now
And I love her
I'm bigger than Jesus now
Up above her
I'm stage diving off the church of the holier than thou
And I'm bigger than Jesus now...

If you are unfamiliar with this, go immediately to iTunes and buy it. ***

The Caulfields haven't done crappity ass before or since, but this song is:















Enjoyed a nice dinner and some wine with the wife, heard some Caulfields on the iPod shuffle, ate some light syrup. And now it's raining like a sonofabitch. I dig the rain. Quite the night.

Hope you had some light syrup tonight. Or at the very least, rocked out to "Devil's Diary".

Dim.

***Post-post addendum: What kind of Commie website is Apple's iTunes?! They don't have the Caulfields there! The horror! OK. Go here and buy the whole CD for $2.99. That tune is definitely worth the extra two clams.