Jackasses
Yet, there is one person here at work, who absolutely drives me up a friggin wall EVERY morning. I don't know who this person is as I have yet to witness their jackassness in person, but here is why:
I get into work usually between 7:30 and 7:45 each day. I pull into one of my building's Siamese twin garages and park in the same area (ground floor) every single day. In case you are wondering, I pick the Chang Bunker Memorial Garage as opposed to the Eng Bunker Memorial Garage. And no, that's not really what they are called, goofball.
I get into the garage and by now, I am already in a bad mood for the following reasons (these are constant, every day, in the wintertime especially):
- I didn't get my requisite 13 hours of sleep in order for me to function properly
- While in my apartment, because of the arid, cold air, I have received innumerable and potent electric shocks when I even THINK about touching anything metal
- (as of today), my fucking kitchen sink is dripping uncontrollably and sounding like the tell-tale friggin heart and it is driving me to brick a raven alive in a wine cask. Wait, I'm getting my Poe stories mixed up...
- My ponytail is still dripping wet and freezes to the nape of my neck in some sort of weird haircicle
- My commute to work is roughly 10 minutes (poor baby, I know), which doesn't allow my car to warm up suffiently enough to "feel my heat" (as Dirk Diggler and Chest Rockwell would sing).
So, on top of all of these travesties, I arrive to work, every morning, to find this absolute LUNATIC parked in a spot without "driving through".
You know, it is a law that if you have the opportunity to drive through a space, you must do it, or you can be placed under citizen's arrest for being a complete jackass.
But this idiot consistently gets in earlier than me and has their veritable pick of the litter of parking spaces. So, what do they do? Pull into a space that has an open space DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF IT and stop half-way through.
I'm not sure why this bothers me so much since it has absolutely no bearing at all about what space I get and whether or not I can "drive through". But every morning, I see this car and I say, out loud, to the unpresent driver of said car: "YOU are a JACKASS!"
And if you don't think I really do this, I'll have to find the dude who looked at me today when I said it, causing me to have to mouth the words, "not you" to him (even though I'm sure I could find something that he is a jackass about as well).
Why would you not drive through? Do you like backing out of a spot that much? Or do you really like just going into something half-way? It would be like...like...like...OK, every analogy I can come up with is dirty, so I won't say it.
So, if you are reading this, Jackass who parks in the Chang Bunker garage, do me a favor. Drive through. Or next time, I might get all Masque of the Red Death on your ass. Whatever that means.
"Nevermore",
- Dim.
posted by Dim at 3/01/2006 11:09:00 AM
5 Comments:
Whoa, Dim. Take a deep breath. Calm down. Think happy thoughts.
I also hate this, because it's just natural to pull through so it's easier to get out later. It's stupid not to. I've come to realize, though that most people who surround me ARE stupid, so it would stand to reason that many of them would do stupid things like not pulling through a parking spot "correctly".
Still, you kind of need to get over it...at least this one. It won't stop anytime soon. Jackassery is found in many places throughout most people's workdays. Find more and blog about them. :)
You have a ponytail?
Indeed I do. To put it in terms that you and JG can easily relate too, my hair is shorter than Bo Bice's, but a little longer than Backwoods Bucky.
- D.
Ponytails are hot! I knew your hair was long, but I guess I didn't picture it pulled back. On cold days you have a haircicle! Ha!
And what's this with "terms JG and I easily relate to"?! Are you saying we can't relate to things outside American Idol? My feelings are hurt. :-P It's sadly true, though. I can picture exactly what length your hair must be from that comparison. Good work.
My personal favorite jackasses during my morning commute are the special edition SUV drivers who weave their way in and out of the 3 lanes of traffic going about double the speed limit, only to wind up right next to me (driving sanely) at the final red light before I turn about a mile up the road. Idiots. Goin' nowhere fast.
Our traffic jackasses here in Mass (called Massholes) are infamous. My favorite is this...on some highways here, it is actually LEGAL to drive in the breakdown lane during certain hours of the morning and afternoon. Because, silly rabbit, cars don't break down between 7-10 AM and 4-7 PM. So, these dummies not only drive in the breakdown lane (when it is even not needed; when traffic is going just fine in the other lanes), but they treat it like a high-speed lane.
This makes it near-impossible to get over for an exit and actually resulted in someone getting killed a couple of years ago, because they regrettably pulled into the breakdown lane to look at a map during the legal hours.
- D.
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